Savas Publishing & Consulting Group

The Devil's Chariot

02/05/03

Media types make fun of them. "Environmentalists" lambast them. Essayists endow them with human characteristics.

Husbands? Nope--SUVs (Sports Utility Vehicles). As we all know, it is illegal to live in EDH without owning at least one--but it can't be yellow (Check your CC&R's before buying.)

I drive an old Honda Accord because, to me, sinking a fortune into a depreciating asset that sucks gas like a six-year-old guzzles root beer is sheer l-u-n-a-c-y. But that's just me.

My wife drives a Toyota Sienna mini-van. It has a good crash rating, sizeable cargo (read k-i-d) space, gets decent fuel mileage, and we can actually drive it into the Sierras without the engine overheating. And it was reasonably priced.

According to a busybody at a recent party, however, Carol's vehicle of choice, with its 6-cylinder muscle-car engine (that's a joke) is "too large and too powerful," and more dangerous to its occupants and other drivers than "a regular car." It also "uses too much gas, and is environmentally unfriendly." In other words, my wife and kids haul around town in the devil's chariot.

I do not have an engineering degree, nor am I the smartest guy in the world. But you don't need to be a rocket scientist to come up with a reasonable response to idiocy. Not one to suffer fools gladly, I took the bait. But that's just me.

"Aren't my wife and kids safer in a larger and heavier vehicle than, say, a Honda civic?"

"Not really," she replied, soaring past my point. "SUVs have a tendency to roll over during a skid." She managed this with a straight face. As I recall, my dad's 1971 Oldsmobile Torando had the same tendency one Saturday evening when I was behind the wheel. (And it didn't have an air bag.) Two of my pals died in separate car rollover accidents--before the SUV was a glint in Lee Iacocca's eye.

"SUVs ride higher so that might be true in some situations," I answered, "but who makes a habit of driving sideways?"

She didn't miss a beat. "Yes, but SUVs pose a considerable danger to other drivers on the road! Occupants of cars are more likely to be killed or injured if hit by an SUV!" She was almost shouting.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to restrain my sarcasm. "So it's not fair unless everyone is equally at risk for death and injury?" She nodded in agreement. "That's right! That's why the government should mandate everyone drive smaller cars!" Logic seemed to have little to do with this Orwellian conversation.

Her argument about hurting the environment was equally specious. "My wife car pools with several families to school, wrestling practice, and sporting events. That keeps other two or three other cars off the road. Isn't that better for the environment?" I asked.

"No," she shot back, "because SUVs get fewer miles to a gallon."

I tried again. "Your blanket argument depends on how many miles are driven. What do you think is worse, the new SUV that is driven 18,000 miles a year, or a more fuel efficient ‘regular car' that runs up an annual 35,000 mile tab?" She returned a blank stare. I continued: "Today's SUVs and cars are extremely clean burning, the gas is better, the air is cleaner than ever, and there are fewer of the older polluting ‘regular cars' running each day."

Unable to formulate a factual rejoinder, she tried out this whopper: "Buying SUVs supports terrorism. There is an advertisement on TV that proves it!" My eyebrows hit my hairline (and if you know me, that's quite a feat).

I leaned over and whispered, "Someone needs to wash out your mouth with soap for telling lies." I stepped back and looked her square in the eye. "You know what this is all about? The ability of free people to choose what they want to drive, versus the ability of a select few like you who want to tell people what they can drive." She didn't like that much, and walked away in a huff.

"And if people what to pay for an SUV," I shouted after her, "God bless them!"

But that's just me.



		Blog Home
	The Devil's Chariot 02/05/03 Media types make fun of them. "Environmentalists" lambast them. Essayists endow them with human characteristics. Husbands? Nope--SUVs (Sports Utility Vehicles). As we all know, it is illegal to live in EDH without owning at least one--but it can't be yellow (Check your CC&R's before buying.) I drive an old Honda Accord because, to me, sinking a fortune into a depreciating asset that sucks gas like a six-year-old guzzles root beer is sheer l-u-n-a-c-y. But that's just me. My wife drives a Toyota Sienna mini-van. It has a good crash rating, sizeable cargo (read k-i-d) space, gets decent fuel mileage, and we can actually drive it into the Sierras without the engine overheating. And it was reasonably priced. According to a busybody at a recent party, however, Carol's vehicle of choice, with its 6-cylinder muscle-car engine (that's a joke) is "too large and too powerful," and more dangerous to its occupants and other drivers than "a regular car." It also "uses too much gas, and is environmentally unfriendly." In other words, my wife and kids haul around town in the devil's chariot. I do not have an engineering degree, nor am I the smartest guy in the world. But you don't need to be a rocket scientist to come up with a reasonable response to idiocy. Not one to suffer fools gladly, I took the bait. But that's just me. "Aren't my wife and kids safer in a larger and heavier vehicle than, say, a Honda civic?" "Not really," she replied, soaring past my point. "SUVs have a tendency to roll over during a skid." She managed this with a straight face. As I recall, my dad's 1971 Oldsmobile Torando had the same tendency one Saturday evening when I was behind the wheel. (And it didn't have an air bag.) Two of my pals died in separate car rollover accidents--before the SUV was a glint in Lee Iacocca's eye. "SUVs ride higher so that might be true in some situations," I answered, "but who makes a habit of driving sideways?" She didn't miss a beat. "Yes, but SUVs pose a considerable danger to other drivers on the road! Occupants of cars are more likely to be killed or injured if hit by an SUV!" She was almost shouting. I tried, unsuccessfully, to restrain my sarcasm. "So it's not fair unless everyone is equally at risk for death and injury?" She nodded in agreement. "That's right! That's why the government should mandate everyone drive smaller cars!" Logic seemed to have little to do with this Orwellian conversation. Her argument about hurting the environment was equally specious. "My wife car pools with several families to school, wrestling practice, and sporting events. That keeps other two or three other cars off the road. Isn't that better for the environment?" I asked. "No," she shot back, "because SUVs get fewer miles to a gallon." I tried again. "Your blanket argument depends on how many miles are driven. What do you think is worse, the new SUV that is driven 18,000 miles a year, or a more fuel efficient ‘regular car' that runs up an annual 35,000 mile tab?" She returned a blank stare. I continued: "Today's SUVs and cars are extremely clean burning, the gas is better, the air is cleaner than ever, and there are fewer of the older polluting ‘regular cars' running each day." Unable to formulate a factual rejoinder, she tried out this whopper: "Buying SUVs supports terrorism. There is an advertisement on TV that proves it!" My eyebrows hit my hairline (and if you know me, that's quite a feat). I leaned over and whispered, "Someone needs to wash out your mouth with soap for telling lies." I stepped back and looked her square in the eye. "You know what this is all about? The ability of free people to choose what they want to drive, versus the ability of a select few like you who want to tell people what they can drive." She didn't like that much, and walked away in a huff. "And if people what to pay for an SUV," I shouted after her, "God bless them!" But that's just me.

Journal of the Indian Wars \| Civil War Regiments Journal Civil War Books \| Military-Other Titles
Home \| Services \| Books \| About Us \| Submissions \| Contact Us